Ian David Noakes
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THE PANIC ATTACK

12/11/2014

3 Comments

 
I watch television with my family when it jumps out and swallows me up.  The urge to suck in oxygen overwhelms me, but an unseen might weighs heavy upon my quivering chest.  The urge to cry infects my face as my heart punches the inside of my ribs.

I want to ask for help, but I know that nobody can save me.  I’m on my own.  I slow my breathing and mumble a prayer: maybe God can help me.  Save me.  Listen to me.  But he doesn’t hear my call.

As the blood pumps into my muscles, I grow dizzy and weak.  And then it attacks my sight, forcing me to see the world through whirls and blotches of water and fog.  My stomach twists.  My bones tremble.  What have I done to deserve this torture?  I must be a bad person, because bad people are tortured for their crimes.  I can’t remember what I could have done.

It’s winning.  I crumple to my knees and land on my palms, sucking in oxygen even though I know it will feed my foe.  My sight blurs as I claw at the carpet.  I feel my wife’s hand on the back of my head and her reassuring words in my ear.  But I’m dying. Help!

Tears wash around my eyes and tumble down my cheeks.  I roll on to my side, accepting that these will be my final minutes.  I think about my beautiful wife.  My amazing sons.  My beloved daughter.  My future promises good things, and I have a lot more to give my loved ones.

I close my eyes.  I awake the following morning.  I’m alive.  Breathing.  My wife beside me with my daughter tugging at my arm.

Until next time.

3 Comments
Katie
18/11/2014 02:08:18 am

felt every word, of such a spot on discription of what happened to me regularly. I cannot say how reassuring it is to know it's not just me that it happens to. I'm overwhelmed by the detail and strength it has taken to share this fantastic piece of writing that can only help others see that they are not alone.

If only one person's life is changed by reading this, then it has been worth every second of its time.

Thankyou for being so brave as to share this.

Reply
Jared Pullen
26/7/2016 12:09:28 pm

Courage man, you stand not alone, nor are the sum of your fears more powerful than the will of the determined mind; for you are mighty. Rise, overcome and know this to be but a moment in time, fleeting and terrifying and consuming, and then suddenly over.... and from its' throes the steadfast mind tears loose to cast it down; a conquered monster. To live in the 'now', and 'now', and 'now' is to deny the fears of futures imagined, 'til each moment slips into the next, becoming a known universe. The mind is free within the 'now' to exmine what is, 'the known' and ignore what isn't; 'the unknown'... fertile grounds for nourishing the mind to overcome. Thankyou so much for your courage Ian! You can rise above brother, for you are mighty.

Kindest regards and ever your friend,
Jared

Reply
Armadale Personals link
13/11/2024 03:51:11 pm

Interesting thoughts I really enjoyed your blog.

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