Ian David Noakes
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FISH, CHIPS & LUBRICATING JELLY - HOT FOR THE PRESS!

17/11/2016

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Fish, Chips & Lubricating Jelly: Crude Humour & Greed Collide, as Irreverent New Novel Proves Crime Does Pay (For a Bit, Anyway…)
 
From screenwriter and novelist, Ian David Noakes, ‘Fish, Chips & Lubricating Jelly’ straddles the very fine moral line between crime and desperation, as three total strangers come together through their despair to collectively drag themselves out of debt after a bungled suicide attempt (and toe-dipping in the world of crime!). The perfect blend of crude humor and a vivid examination of modern British life, Noakes hits this one out of the park and into the hands of readers everywhere.
 
Contact:
Ian David Noakes
Email: iannoakes@me.com
 
 
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
 
United Kingdom – When Ian David Noakes released short story ‘Partners in Crime’ on Amazon, he had no idea readers would be chomping at the bit for a full series. What struck him even more was that, while laced with gripping crime and humour, it was the truly dysfunctional characters and their rich, often-fraught relationships that had readers begging for more.
 
A true literary maverick, Noakes picked his pen back up and began crafting what has now hit the shelves as ‘Fish, Chips & Lubricating Jelly’. Exploring that enigmatic yet ever-so-fascinating grey area between crime and societal desperation, Noakes’ narrative compels readers to cut to the core of their own despair and see just how much affinity they have to his perfectly-flawed characters.
 
Synopsis:
 
THREE TROUBLED STRANGERS
 
… find themselves in a dire predicament - drowning in spiraling debt through a succession of poor decisions and rotten judgment.

A BUNGLED SUICIDE ATTEMPT

… unites Harry, Milly and Noah in their time of need. But from the dark emerges a daring solution brimming with risk and reward.


PARTNERS IN CRIME

… they become, but their shift to crime only compounds their existing problems while creating a wealth of brand-spanking new ones.

 
“This is, at its core, a comedy book that will have readers chortling all day long,” explains Noakes, a prolific, award-nominated writer. “But, at the same time, it provides a bold literary mirror to modern-day Britain and its slew of societal problems – and the tumultuous nature of human relationships. While readers may first see Harry, Milly and Noah as dysfunctional freaks, they’ll soon discover that the cast are perfect reflections of people they actually know. Who knows, perhaps it could be them! After all, everyone experiences the debt, stress, love, ambitions and defeats that they do.”
 
Continuing, “This book is the product of a nervous breakdown I had seven years ago, along with an anxiety disorder that I continue to manage. Throughout it all, I’ve learned the value of laughter, self-deprecation and unconventional humour. They all have their place in the book.”
 
Always thinking ahead, Ian has a horror spin-off planned called ‘Blood, Guts & Wobbly Bits’, along with a series of episodes for his partners in crime. Ian has also scripted a pilot episode and series bible after series interest in taking it to television.
 
Ian’s debut novel, Hourglass Heights, was published in the U.K. to overwhelmingly positive reviews in June 2014 and subsequently made its U.S. debut on December 30th. Using his background as a qualified behavioural therapist, Ian David Noakes created a harrowing and action-packed debut tale that revolved around the beautiful, but flawed, Detective Marcia Tanaka.

‘Fish, Chips & Lubricating Jelly’ is available now: http://amzn.to/2e47ktE.

 
About the Author:
 
From humble beginnings as a projectionist, Ian David Noakes has taken on several feature film and television options as well as writing commissions since writing full-time. His big breakthrough came when his erotic murder-mystery, Hourglass Heights, achieved a publishing contract. It was later nominated for both the People’s Book Prize as well as the National Book Awards
 
After a wave of overwhelmingly positive reviews, Noakes experimented with many other genres as well. Most recently, he completed a dramedy pilot called Partners in Crime before adapting it into both a novel and completed series under the auspicious title Fish, Chips & Lubricating Jelly. He has also penned a fun-filled horror novella called The Ancient Lawman.
 
Ian David Noakes is currently seeking representation.
 
Meanwhile a short drama he created, Tables Turned, has begun pre-production while he works on a re-write for his upcoming feature film, More Than Human.
 
A serious case of indecisiveness syndrome has made it impossible to tell you what could be coming next. He is currently juggling a wide range of genres ranging from time traveling serial killer thrillers to dimension-crashing epics to supernatural horrors.
 
When he’s not immersed in one of his incredible tales, Noakes enjoys spending time with his wife, five children and a constant supply of Starbucks mochas. Recently, he has become a behavioural therapist as well, because who else would you rather discuss your problems with than a caffeinated, child-rearing, wife-doting, novella-penning, screen-writing, genre-jumper?


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TURN THE TABLES, OR NOT TO TURN THE TABLES..?

15/11/2016

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This is the question posed to Mary, a single mother with a young son, when her patience snaps after a delinquent teenager called Rosie breaks into her property in the middle of the night. She should have called the police and let them deal with the vindictive youth. But instead of calling the police, Mary ties the insolent terror to a dining chair with the goal of finding out why Rosie does the things that she does.

I originally scripted ‘Tables Turned’ as a short drama story, but after speaking with Katherine Shannon it soon became obvious that this story had a message to deliver – and in order to reach the widest audience possible, it should be told in words as well as pictures. It wasn’t long before the twenty-two page screenplay was adapted into a sixty-two page novella – a dramatic works that is now available for the first time in print.

And the short film?

I’ve been in constant contact with Katherine, and I’m pleased to confirm that it is now in pre-production. Katherine has even been able to get the support of the both the fire service, and the police force – as is the power of the message I hope this story will deliver.

The short film adaptation promises to deliver, and the hope is we can start shooting soon. But if you don’t want to wait until it’s released, you can pick up a copy (or download it on Kindle) from Amazon and most reputable bookstores.

Hate paying delivery fees and love good value for money!? Me too, so DO NOT pay for the delivery when snapping up your copy. Just tag a paperback copy of my latest novel, FISH, CHIPS & LUBRICATING JELLY, onto your order so it qualities for free delivery!! You can find my books quickly by selecting the MY BOOKS option at the top of the page.

Katherine Shannon
https://www.linkedin.com/in/katherine-shannon-774b8314

​#IDN  #youthcrime #shortfilm #mustread #shortstory #TablesTurned  #Exciting #News #Blogger #crime #asbo #stress #psychological #abuse #yob #knife #knifecrime #burglary #teenager #youth #revenge #retribution #violence #harassment #intimidation

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If They LIKE It, They WILL Come (YO, AUTHORS!)

1/11/2014

2 Comments

 
Please excuse the corny (no pun intended) reference to the infamous line from Field of Dreams.

Ray Kinsella, played by Kevin Costner, heard those voices telling him: "If you build it, he will come.” And my word⎯did they come: Shoeless Joe Jackson and other dead baseball players emerged from the cornfields to play ball! If he’d ignored those voices, Kinsella wouldn’t have signed on for the project in the first place. And the same can be applied to all you authors out there who decide to promote the LIKE BUTTON your Amazon Author page!

Did you even know that there was a tiny little LIKE button hiding in the top right hand corner of your Amazon Author Page? It’s just to the right of the Facebook and Twitter share buttons. Surprisingly, many authors are unaware of this golden nugget of a button, despite it having been there for years. 

The definition of LIKE: ‘…used to draw attention to the nature of an action or event.’ <SOURCE: GOOGLE>

You may be wondering why I’ve felt the need to write a complete post dedicated to this old piece of news. The answer is simple: I have heard whispers - a buzz even - floating around the author airwaves. Namely, Facebook! It would appear that Amazon are changing the way they promote authors and their books through their gigantic network. Reviews are still Gold Dust, but it turns out that Amazon may prefer to throw traffic at authors who are liked. Go figure!

In a nutshell, my fellow authors, you need to get people doin’ some LIKE’IN!


LIKE MY AMAZON AUTHOR PAGE, AND I’LL LIKE YOURS BACK!


* You don’t need to be an author to like an author’s page. If you like ’em, like’em, because it all counts. Your LIKE will help the author, and it’ll only have taken you a few seconds to do it.

* If you’re an author, and you would like to swap LIKES with me, simply leave the URL to your author page in a comment (along with “DONE YOURS”) on this post. Not only will I reciprocate your kind gesture, but the link to your author page will end up floating around in cyberspace for other authors - and potential readers - to pick up and click.

This is my Amazon Author page: 
http://www.amazon.com/Ian-David-Noakes/e/B00K0HBTBW


**Can’t find the LIKE BUTTON? No problem, because you can always click the GOLD FAVORITE BUTTON instead.

Thank You,
Ian David Noakes



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The 'Hourglass Heights' Virtual Book Tour!

13/10/2014

1 Comment

 
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I thought I'd kick things off with a post about my upcoming Release Day Blitz and subsequent Virtual Book Tour for Hourglass Heights.  

I've put my tour in the very capable hands of 'Bit'N Book Tours', and it has been arranged to announce - and celebrate - the U.S. launch of my book. It was released in the U.K. last June, and it has since been nominated for the 'People's Book Prize', and it is also a contender for the National Book Awards. Sales are going well, and the reviews have been very positive. So, long may this continue.

But this post is all about the U.S., launch, and introducing my erotic, murder-mystery to everybody on the other side of the big blue pond. I've broken down this post into two parts: BOOK BLOGGER/REVIEWERS & FANS!

(Hopefully, I can convert a few bloggers and reviewers to be fans of my books during the process too!)

Let's start with FANS...

I am hoping that this tour can successfully introduce readers to the world of Hourglass Heights. An erotic, murder-mystery with a dusting of the supernatural that is packed with characters that will make you scream and squirm. Some will make you laugh. And -fingers crossed - some that will make you cry. 

I also had one fan from the U.K. who told me she was "shamefully aroused", but I will leave that one up in the air. 

The participating blogs will be handed exclusive material that they can use to host the tour. They will be provided with books to give away, exclusive interviews, excerpts from the book, along with character bios and dream cast admissions for the key characters. I will also be checking in on all the blog hosts on a regular basis to respond to your comments.

On February 1st, I will also be hosting a LIVE 3-hour Facebook Event, where fans - or curious readers - can ask me anything they like in realtime.

*I know you all lead busy lives, so all you need to do is LIKE my FACEBOOK PAGE in order to be kept up to date on all my news and announcements.

BOOK BLOGGERS & REVIEWERS

If you're a book blogger/reviewer, then I hope the above has piqued your interest. As a host, you will be provided with complimentary copies of the book to review, along with books to giveaway to your followers. I will be checking in on a daily basis to respond to posts/comments on your blogs too.

This is my first virtual tour, but I am confident we can make it a successful event for everybody involved. If you're interest, please: CLICK HERE TO SIGN UP AND JOIN IN!

Thank you for your time, 
IDN
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    'I'm just a bloke, tapping keys in front of a screen, hoping for an audience to love me.' #IDN

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